In a Man's World...

Just an interesting and funny observation someone made on a blog I saw earlier today, he wrote: "You know how Google sometimes “predicts” what you might be searching for by giving you a little drop down menu of suggested search queries? These suggestions, of course, are based on what other users frequently search. So I tried teasing out some gender differences. Look at the picture below."



The search engine predicts the top ten potential topics that it thinks you may be looking for, and in itself is an amazing study in anthropology how each one answers...itself:

(1)

Women - Want to get their boyfriends to propose.

Men - Want more blowjobs.

Conclusion - Ladies...this is sooo damn simple...suck more dick and there may be wedding bells in your future!

(2)

Women - Want their man to spend more time with them.

Men - Want their lady to have sex more.

Conclusion - Ladies...another easy one, start spreadin' those legs you goddamn prudes.

(3)

Women - Want their men to love them again.

Men - Want their girl to lose weight.

Conclusion - Ladies...stop fucking eating. Holy shit.

(4)

Women - Want their men to trust them more.

Men - Want their women to trust them more.

Conclusion - Stop fucking each others friends. ...Or trade the whiney bitch/bastard in for a new one.

(5)

Women - Want their man to be more romantic.

Men - Want their woman to love them more.

Conclusion - Ladies...stop fucking assholes. Men...stop being pussies.

(6)

Women - Want their man to stop smoking.

Men - Want their woman to shave. (what the fuck?)

Conclusion - This one is an anomaly as it seems like it is exactly reversed from what I was expecting, but I digress. Ladies...really? You are not shaving? Clean yourselves up you wooly fucking Banthors! Men...I don't see how you have done anything wrong, please continue to smoke (preferably during sex) and if you are not coming home drunk at least four times a week then you need to start hitting the bar harder too.

(7)

Women - Want their man to be more affectionate.

Men - Want to get rid of their whiney bitch girlfriend.

Conclusion - Isn't this one self-explanatory enough? Ladies...stop bitching. Please. Fucking shit cock.

(8)

Women - want their man to break up with them.

Men - want their girl to forgive them.

Conclusion - Ladies...you shallow conceited bitches, just end it, stop putting your guy through hell and forcing him to dump you just so you can get a month long pity party from all you whore friends. Guys...ummm, go get drunk.

(9)

Women - want their man to last longer in bed.

Men - want their woman to kiss them more.

Conclusion - Ladies...I think if you didn't exhaust your man with your endless fucking demands to boost your non-existent ego then he would have more energy to rail you when your undeserving feminist vagina (most likely unshaven) finally gets horny. Men...roofies.

(10)

Women - Want their man to stop drinking.

Men - Want their women to love them.

Conclusion - Ladies/Men...This one is a compromise. Ladies you want your man to stop drinking but you need to understand that the only time he can stand to be around you or talk to you is when he is drunk. Men you want your woman to love you but you need to understand that she is only happy when she is yelling at you or degrading you in front of your face to all the people she knows. The only thing to do is keep yelling, throw more punches, hate eachother more deeply, and at the end fuck harder than either of you have before in your lives.

I am amazed when I look at the accuracy of this "predictor", not to mention the simplicity. The search engine already knows what you want, and if you pay attention you can get your answer without even going to some bullshit webpage. Or, as always, you can refer to me for your relationship advice! I am a veritable cornucopia of sexual knowledge. Be not afraid to dip into my rich wellspring for advice, but don't be suprised if you are corrupted when you leave it. My taint touches all (literally...don't pass out at a party or I'll put it on your forehead and take a picture).

Dr. Flanigan Love III