Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My Letter to HR

My simple inquiry to Human Resources about the appearance standards of our company. I have changed the names for obvious reasons:


Hello Samantha,

I would like to know if there are any restraints for Nationwide employee's in regards to facial hair? I am in the early stages of growing a full beard so bountiful and magnificent that it would likely make Paul Bunyan feel inadequate and childish. Can you verify for me if this sort of thing is frowned upon, or am I free to grow a flowing beard that would make my chin look comparable to cousin "It" from the Addam's Family?


Thank You,

Jongo


Jongo,

Per my voice mail I am responding to your question around facial hair.

Nationwide does not have a specific policy that addresses facial hair and/or any stipulations in regards to facial hair, however policy guide section 3.1 references (see below) that Nationwide associates should always present a professional image. With that being said, Nationwide would have no problem with you growing facial hair as long as it remains clean and professional at all times. As far as the question you presented with regards to if it will be frowned upon I would just recommend you be aware that each person that views you will have their own opinion and may voice that opinion, so being aware that this will/may happen should also be taken into consideration when determining whether or not you will grow out your facial hair.

If you have any questions/concerns. Please feel free to call me at the number below and we can discuss further.

3.1 - As a Nationwide associate, you should always present a professional image to internal and external customers and the public.


Hello Samantha,

I just got your vm's today, thank you for checking on this for me. I will do my best to maintain my beard by the highest standards of our times and I shall display an equally impressive demeanor to match. I understand that not everyone approves of this practice but I am willing to receive such neglect as they are willing to deliver. Throughout history many great men have had great beards and they are very recognizable from this one simple trait, I would like to count myself among their echelons. Not to mention it would be a great disservice to myself to deny my face the ability to express itself. A well worn beard can be a very imposing feature demanding the respect of peers and colleagues alike, matched with my already dominating 6'8" stature my new visage could draw references to the great Abraham Lincoln, or dare I say...a brown-haired Poseidon.

As stated, your assistance has been invaluable and I cannot thank you enough for your time. Please enjoy your day and be comforted knowing that there does still exist those not afraid to proudly wave their personal chin flags in salute to the American way and to personal expression.


Thank You,

Jongo

1 comment:

  1. Jongo,
    The brotherhood of the beard is a time honored tradition. One that shows that you are a not to be trifled with, that your word is your bond, and that you are a man. However, I'm shocked and surprised that you did not mention the two most important and imposing bearded men in history. Abe Lincoln and Poseidon, who the fuck are they compared to the world changes I'm about to mention. The world we live in would only be a fraction of what it is today with out the guidance of these two men....Chuck Norris and Jonathan Frakes. I have no doubt in my mind that you will not be able to live up to even 1/10000 of a percent of these men, but at least you can honor them!

    L.

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