My Friend

One time I went to Hy-Vee and bought one of those whole rotisserie chickens because, well, because i was really hungry. On the way home I named that bird Sir William Rothschild III and we spoke about a range of topics from the government and political upheavals in the east, to the nature of man and the true meaning of good and evil. Sir William had some brilliant insight and was an avid student of Nietzsche and Hume. His views, though slightly skewed by todays standards, were refreshing and invigorating, they strayed from the common rhetoric used by many rich uninspired ivy league graduates who all too often ramble off quote after quote without implementing any of their own opinions. I asked him if he had any ambitions to run for office in the future or if he planned to stay with strictly avian endeavors. His response was a drawn out dirge of self-righteous theories about the solidarity of man and a few biblical references to the apocalypse. During his rant I realized that he didn't know anything because he was just a delicious rotisserie chicken...and he was getting cold. So I ate that bird. I ate the whole damn thing.